Drew Fazzino Introduction
Hi all, My name is Drew Fazzino, I am a Senior at the University of Oklahoma. My major is Mechanical Engineering. The coolest thing about my major is seeing how different systems work together and operate. Another cool thing about my major is making parts in CAD and generating tool paths to machine your own parts in a CNC. The best class I took last semester was Computer Integrated Manufacture because I learned different CAM platforms and how to generate your own tool paths to the parts you make in platforms such as solidworks. My biggest accomplishment last semester was boosting my gpa some and just having a good semester in general. Over the summer break, I went to Colorado for a couple of weeks and relaxed a little before and after my internship at innovex downhole solutions. It was a blessing to receive the internship this summer because it gave me some great relative infield experience working with lead mecha...
Hi Drew,
ReplyDeleteI truly had so much fun reading through your portfolio storybook project website. You are off to such an exceptional start. You had my full interest with your opening image. The mountains look so majestic and appealing to your reader. I thought it was clever to include mountains with your title referring to a different side of mythology and folklore. I am so glad that you chose this story for your first story. I believe I read your earlier version at your blog. The writing has come a long way and the story is wonderful. What if you changed the banner image for this page to match your story? Or just to change things up a bit? Other than that, everything looked great. The image of the statue was great to include as well. Your author’s note provided great, relevant information to help guide your readers through the tale. Great job.
-Andy
Hi Drew!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your portfolio project. When I first came to your website I really loved the picture of Mount Everest you used. It's striking and exciting! I liked how you created a very believable description of Colorado and the ski shop. I've skied at Copper Mountain and your story definitely brought back memories of being there. I also liked your author's note. I had never read the original story about Achilles and you did a good job of providing background. It also helped me see how your story connected with the original. I liked the background given to the family in your original story. That helped me understand Eric's state of mind in the story; however, I felt like there was not as much pay off at the end. When Eric said he was going to show them the magic of the skis, I thought there was going to be more explanation on how he was going to do that. I feel like your story could benefit from more of that detail that's at the beginning of the story at the end. Can't wait to see how this continues with the semester!
Hi Drew!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading the first story in your portfolio.
Are you planning to make an introduction page? I think it might help ease the reader into whatever theme you're using for the portfolio.
Aside from that, I think it was interesting how you used a modern ski town as the setting for the Achilles story. It made it a little closer to reality than Greek myths usually are, and I like how you incorporated your own interests into the story.
I do have a few questions: what did the father die of? What was his relationship with Eric like? Is Eric passionate about running a ski shop or is he just doing it for his dad's sake?
Finally, I think the middle paragraph could be a little livelier with some dialogue. I also think "dad" sounds more informal than "father" or "parent" - is that the tone you're going for?
Thank you for sharing your story! Looking forward to more.
Hey, Drew!
ReplyDeleteYou've got a neat concept for your portfolio here! Anytime an author takes a piece of traditional mythology and reworks it into modern settings, I find it more engaging and accessible -- and I'm sure other readers feel the same way. Plus, this is a great way for you to write about something you're passionate about in skiing! Audiences can tell when an author cares about their subject matter. It makes all the difference in the world.
If you edit your site, I think that a preface or introduction would be really handy! It doesn't need to be long or drawn out, but a small blurb with a "book jacket" synopsis could help prep readers for what's coming and help the immersion be a little less sudden.
What if you decorated your site to look like the ski shop in the story? Your writing conjured up images of old wood and antique outdoors gear -- maybe you could tweak the visuals of the site to make readers feel like they're standing in the shop as soon as they hit your page!
I'm looking forward to reading more!
Hey Drew!
ReplyDeleteBefore we begin, you might check your link to the comment wall. Not sure if it is the link or my computer but when I clicked it, it took me to an error page.
I liked your story overall. The way you took the tale of Achilles and changed the setting and the characters was very clever. You might add more to your homepage about the topics you have chosen because going into your story I wasn't sure what to expect and it wasn't clear until I got to the author's note. Just a few sentences would help to captivate your audience so they eagerly anticipate the story.
Beyond all of that, your website layout was really good. I liked how you had pictures from your story and of Achilles to tie it back to the original.
Great start! If you edit it a bit I think it will be perfect.
Drew,
ReplyDeleteGreat start on your project so far! This is so different from things I normally read, it was refreshing to see such a modern twist on the original story. So clever about changing the tale of Achilles and inserting skiers instead. The whole (for lack of better word) aesthetic of your website is really nice and I think it fits very well with the content. I think Fennley Skis would benefit from an introduction or a lengthier author's note explaining your personal goals for this story. Without it, the reader kind of feels thrown into the exposition. Your first paragraph has relatively the exact same sentence structure, a little variation in the opening could make it feel somewhat less of a dry opening. The rest of the story is much meatier; I wonder how the pace of the exposition would shift if you tried getting to the main plot elements earlier? Overall great start! I can't wait to keep reading about Fennley and his skis.
Drew,
ReplyDeleteI am a fan of the start of your portfolio. I myself enjoy skiing so I was happy to read a story based on the activity. I liked your descriptors of the town and store. I feel like if you had Erik recall a memory that he experienced with the dad in the quaint town, it would be really powerful. I think it would be interesting to include a memory Erik had skiing with his dad on the slopes or having his dad fit him for his very first skis. Other than that I really like your modern and exciting take on the original story.
I really like the homepage of your portfolio. It really sets the scene for your first story. It also takes me back to every time I have gone skiing or snowboarding.
Can't wait to read more! Keep it up!
Hi Drew,
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your “Competitive Angler” story and absolutely loved it. I love that you decided to take a more modern approach to the retelling of this story. I always like when we are able to use modern criteria in reflecting these mythological tales. It was also pretty cool to see Sam Rayburn thrown in there. I’m from Texas (Dallas) and that was a pretty cool surprise! The original story is actually one that I’ve heard of before and definitely enjoyed reading the first time around. I like the changes you made and how you decided to take the story in a completely different direction but still have it have the same theme or message in the end. This is something I might try! Maybe next time you should try using dialogue in your story? It always makes the story more enjoyable for the reader and even allows you to dive into some deeper characterizations for the characters. Great job!
Hi Drew,
ReplyDeleteI really like the title of your storybook, and the banner image on your home page is beautiful. It is always a worthwhile challenge to take some stories and modernize them into something that is more relatable for the present. "In Fennley Skis", I appreciate the changes you made. People can truly be rude in customer service fields as you highlighted. The customers never would know the story behind the skis as they cared more for the aesthetic appeal rather than the quality. I wonder how the customers would react to knowing about the magical property to the skis. What if Eric was prompted to actually explain the history of the store to the customers with some dialogue? While going through your storybook, I noticed a few grammatical, spacing, and capitalization errors. I would suggest reading back through more slowly and making the appropriate fixes. In the "Competitive Angler", "t hat" should be replaced by "that" and "What" in the second sentence of the last paragraph should not be capitalized. Those are just a few to get you started when you go to edit. I also noticed that the link to your Comment Wall on your Home page did not work for me. I got a weird error saying that I had an invalid security token. Good luck with future revisions and stories!
Hey howdy Drew,
ReplyDeleteGreat work on your storybook. I am not sure if you purposely kept all of the images within the same theme, but they really work well together. When I went to go and read The Competitive Angler, the transition from the home page to there went well and prepared me for the story. Even the picture of the outdoor statue on the Fennley Skis page seems to fit will into the overall scheme of the page. I really enjoyed the narrative voice in The Competitive Angler. I felt like I was there with the protagonist fishing at the tourney. You may want to run some spell check and check out some of the grammar in the two stories, there were some issues with some of the text. They are all pretty easy to fix, just may need a second run through to spot them. I know it seems trivial, but errors in syntax and spelling can be distracting from an otherwise great piece of writing. Fish on!
Drew,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the set-up of your website although you might check your comment wall link, it took me to an invalid page. The pictures you chose really went with your stories. In the first story I noticed several grammar errors. They were mostly small and could be fixed if you read through it a couple of times, maybe out loud. For instance, there were a couple of places where you used present and past tense and at one point you repeated the words, “just inside”. Other than that, I think your story was really well done and had a great moral.
As for the second story, it also had a great moral and I love how creative you are with taking the original source and making it your own. They were both very well done. You might also read the second one for a few grammar errors and you might consider giving Eric’s dad name so that you don’t have to keep repeating “his dad” so often.
Great job so far!
-Elyse
Hi Drew,
ReplyDeleteI love the first story , and when you started talking about the original story in the author's note, I was confused on how this related at all to the story you told. At the end, I understood, and this just shows how brilliant you are and how you made something completely innovative out of it. What gave you the idea of fishing competitions? It seems like such a random idea.
For you second story, I love the skiing idea connecting to the original. All of your stories are very simple and modern day. They are all something that a simple person can relate to, yet they are all connected to such rich tales. One thing I would like to see more of is dialogue. I feel like that would really enhance your stories and make them even more breathtaking. I can't wait to read your next stories and see how you relate simple everyday activities to morals.
Drew,
ReplyDeleteI just read your two stories on your site, Folklore With aTwist. Wow, what a writer! You’ve shaken me to my core with how you’ve approached story-telling. I like the twist you’ve put on normal conventions of grammar, spelling, etc. I can see the unique spin you’ve put on them with your own creative, modern, free-handed style of writing. Reading these stories almost makes me think that you’re a fisher! Who would’ve thunk. And the skiing, too? Goodness, you’re giving us a small peek into your mind, it feels like.
Criticism-wise, I don’t think there is much here to improve. You tell great stories and emulate the moral from the source material well, and that’s truly all that matters. I absolutely cannot wait to read what else you come up with this semester, as I’m sure you’ll push the boundaries of writing even further next time.
Stay frosty!
-Lance J.
Hey, Drew!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I really like the design of your website and the images you used for the banners! I also really enjoyed your first story about the fishing tournament--I honestly did not know anything about fishing tournaments but, thanks to your story and author's note, I now know at least a little bit about the sport! I also like how you really made the story your own--your version shows a lot of creativity and originality while still keeping the main point of the original, which you explain quite nicely in your author's note. Just a few small things--a few times Tom is not capitalized so you might want to go through and look out for those spots. Also, at one point you repeat the phrase "just inside", I believe in the third paragraph. These are really minor things--your story and website are fantastic and I am excited to read your other stories! Great job!
Hi Drew,
ReplyDeleteWhat a cool idea you have here.
On the design: I really like how you use three different pictures for each of your pages and how they all go well with each other. I noticed how you kind of made them match with similarly lit up skies. I thought that was super cool. I also think it is interesting how you don't have an introduction and your homepages is neat with an easy to access link to your comment wall. Overall, I'd give your design a 10/10!
Now, on your writing:
I love your first story. It is a quick and easy read that manages to convey a lesson. Your character, Jack, comes off as super relatable too.
I really like your next story as well. You do a good job of setting up the scene and making your reader care about Eric.
Good Job! I am excited to read your next addition to this project.
Hi Drew,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time seeing your project, and I'm glad I got the chance! I love the images you've chosen for your cover photos. They're really cool!
Your first story was really interesting and very different from what I was expecting in a Myth & Folklore class, but I kinda like that! The only things I know about fishing are from the couple times my dad took me when I was small, so it was fun to learn new things about the sport. I never knew that the best fisher in the region was called a stick!
Your retelling of the story is very different from the original story, but I think it works really well and I like how you've really made it your own. The lesson is definitely still there, and after reading your author's notes I definitely started to make the connections to the original. The explanation of fishing tournaments in your author's note was also super helpful, so thanks for that!
Great job, and good luck with these last few weeks of the semester!
Hi Drew!
ReplyDeleteGood to read your storybook again. I love the addition of the first story, and I love the general nature and outdoorsy theme you have going on. The whole aesthetic of your website is strangely calming and your illustrations go well with your content. Focusing on your first story, I think you capture the setting and both characters' personalities really well. I read the folklore that it was inspired from, but I had absolutely no idea that you were using that one! You reinterpreted it in such an original way, I am really impressed. With your theme being in outdoor sports, I wonder how you can really take your stories to the next level by adding more visual details. Both stories ended too soon for me, perhaps a bit of length can be added by diving into more visual illustrations of the settings, which I am sure will be so beautiful for your future chapters as well. I can't wait to keep reading!
Hey Drew,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, good job on all the twists you’re making to the original stories! You’ve managed to twist the stories so that, while you can see the foundation they’re built on, you wouldn’t know it if you didn’t know the source. I really like stories and books that do that, as it can be fun to go back through and pick out what is taken from the original story. For your Competitive Angler story, one thing I might suggest is taking the portion of your author’s note that explains competitive fishing and putting it at the top before the beginning. I did understand the story without having to read it, but if the reader really wants to know how competitive fishing works that would make it easier for them to understand the story. Also, I saw someone mention this a couple months back, but the link for your Comments Wall on your homepage still leads to a dead end. You might want to double check why it’s doing that. Can’t wait to see what story you twist next!
Hey Drew,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your stories and only had a couple suggestions. I really liked your idea of having stories with a twist. I think that you have made the stories significantly different from the original but I still can see the similarities. I also liked how you set up all of the stories with the images used. If I could make one single suggestion it would be to find a clearer image on the second story. For some reason it appears very blurry but it should be a very easy fix. I also really liked the style of writing that you are using, it puts a very good twist and change from the stereotypical storytelling style. I imagined being told these stories and could almost hear someone telling them to me. I would love to attempt to do something similar to this so I may give it a try in my next story. Overall I liked all 3 of your stories a lot and am looking forward to seeing what your fourth story will look like. I will come back here and comment when I make my story with your similar style so you can check it out. Looking forward to seeing what else you do this semester. Hope you have a great rest of the semester.
Hey Drew!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time this semester that I’m getting to look through your portfolio project and it looks great! It has a really personal feel. All of the banner images fit the site well, and you can tell that you put a lot of effort into it all!
I read through your stories and again I can tell they come from a really personal place. You do a really good job of giving them all a similar tone, pace, and feel. At the same time, they all have subtle and unique differences.
Out of the three stories, I liked your second one the best. I read the author’s note since I didn’t recognize the overall story arc from any of my other readings, and you did a great job clarifying and connecting this one to the original.
Best of luck the rest of the way in the course!
Best,
- JD